went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
