maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
