Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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