I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
