My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
