the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
