then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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