so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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