so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
