Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
