Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
