Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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