Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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