I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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