Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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