That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He shit in the fireplace
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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