I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
