Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
