I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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