Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
sarcasm needs its own font
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
