I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
