yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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