I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
