I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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