The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
