if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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