haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
