No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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