Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize