are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Randomize