My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
