beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
