one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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