Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
