i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
