i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
