Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
