I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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