i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize