Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
