he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
im about as happy as oj after his trial
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
