i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize