I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
