just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
