Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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