i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
