That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm always down for nudity.
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