overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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