well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
