would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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