and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
