If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
