Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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