I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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