turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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