Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
