Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
