I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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