Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
