We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
