so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize