I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
