Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize