I hope mine doesn't look like that
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
