just come out here and I will go home with you...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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