i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
