He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize