covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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