i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
