I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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