I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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