My hair reeks of homosexuality.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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